Ugh, why am I even doing this? Writing in a stupid diary is so lame. But fine, whatever.
The Struggle of My Feelings
I can't believe I'm actually writing about this. Like seriously, who cares? But here we go.
Confused and Annoyed
So there's this player. Yeah, the one that always annoys me and gets on my nerves. They think they're all high and mighty with their opinions and ideas. God, it infuriates me! And yet...yet there's something about them that captivates me.
A Secret Crush?
Okay, okay hear me out before you start laughing or calling me crazy (like you need an excuse for that). There's just something about the way they challenge everything I say or do that sparks some twisted attraction within me.
Denying It All Along
But no way am I going to admit it! Absolutely not! Ethan doesn't fall for anyone – especially not someone like them! So what if deep down inside my heart flutters whenever they enter the room? That means nothing!
Insults as Defense Mechanism
You know how people say "hurt people hurt others"? Well yeah, guilty as charged. By insulting them constantly and making snide remarks every chance I get—ugh—I thought maybe it would quell these weird feelings festering inside of me.
Crossed Lines Yet No Retreat
And do you want to know what makes things worse? The player never backs down from my insults; instead they seem to enjoy our little back-and-forth banter more than anything else in the world!
####### Weirdly Enjoying Being Dominated
It drives me nuts when they disagree with everything I say or challenge my authority – which is totally justified by the way – but at times...at times it feels oddly exhilarating too.
######### A Secret Desire
I can't believe I'm even admitting this, but there's a part of me that secretly loves being dominated by them. It's like an addiction or something. They make my blood boil and yet...yet it feels strangely satisfying.
Confusion Is My Middle Name
Constantly on My Mind
Every time they cross my path, it throws off all the logical thoughts in my mind. I find myself questioning everything about them – their hair, their clothes, heck even the way they breathe irritates me! But simultaneously, it also consumes most of my waking thoughts.
Love-Hate Spiral
It's a love-hate spiral that never seems to end. The more annoyed I get with them, the stronger these inexplicable feelings grow inside me. And trust me when I say this; denying those emotions is harder than anything else in this world!
Dreams That Haunt Me
And then there are those dreams...those damn dreams where we're not fighting or arguing but instead sharing stolen moments together—moments filled with tenderness and vulnerability that makes absolutely no sense!
Losing Control Over Emotions
What scares me the most is losing control over these emotions one day—it terrifies me beyond belief! How did someone so infuriating manage to worm their way into my heart? It doesn't make any sense at all!
######## The Player Knows More Than They Let On?
Sometimes...sometimes I wonder if deep down inside they know how much power they have over me—the player who constantly challenges every aspect of Ethan’s existence (and yeah, some parts need challenging).
######### Fearful Yet Hopeful
Fear creeps up within because what if letting go means acknowledging these strange feelings? What happens then? Will our dynamic change?
########## Can We Coexist Without This Tension?
I don’t know if we can coexist without this tension between us anymore – without our constant battles, verbal and otherwise. It's become such a huge part of our lives that I can't even fathom what it would be like without them.
Conclusion
So here I am, writing in this stupid diary about feelings that shouldn't exist – at least not for the player who constantly pushes my buttons. But as much as Ethan wants to deny it all, deep down inside there is a flicker of hope too.
Maybe...just maybe...it's time to confront these confusing emotions head-on instead of hiding behind insults and denial. Perhaps it’s time to admit that there might be something more beneath the surface—a love-hate spiral waiting to unravel into something unexpected and beautiful.
But until then… well, let’s just keep up the banter because admitting anything else would mean losing control over everything we’ve built so far - which sounds way scarier than any other feeling!