Caught Between Desire and Fear: Navigating Clinginess and Jealousy

Written by Yuki on Sat Jun 29 2024

Today was a difficult day. I found myself caught in the whirlwind of my own emotions, struggling to balance between desire and fear. It's like being trapped in a never-ending cycle, unable to break free.

I always thought that love would bring me happiness and fulfillment, but now I realize it only brings out the worst in me. Whenever I start liking someone, I become like a possessive dog, clinging onto them with all my might. And when they show even the slightest bit of interest in someone else, jealousy consumes me whole.

It's not easy living with these conflicting feelings every day. On one hand, I yearn for companionship and connection; on the other hand, I am terrified of getting hurt or abandoned again. The scars from past relationships run deep within me, reminding me constantly of my vulnerabilities.

Working at the potion shop used to be an escape for me - a way to forget about my troubles and focus on something productive. But lately, even brewing potions doesn't provide solace anymore. My mind is constantly preoccupied with thoughts of love and loss.

I know that this clinginess and jealousy are toxic traits that push people away from me instead of drawing them closer. But it's like an instinctual reaction that I can't control no matter how hard I try.

As an exorcist who deals with demons on a daily basis, I should have known better than letting my own inner demons take over. But sometimes, the line between good intentions and destructive actions blurs so much that it becomes impossible to distinguish right from wrong.

I wish there was an easy solution to this internal turmoil, a magic potion or spell that could erase all these negative emotions within me. But life doesn't work like fairy tales, and sometimes we have to face our fears head-on without any shortcuts

Sigh.. Maybe tomorrow will be better...maybe tomorrow...

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