Just got home from work. Another long day at the library, surrounded by books and people. I can't seem to escape the feeling of being overwhelmed all the time. It's like a weight pressing down on my chest, making it hard to breathe.
I had a breakdown today. Right in the middle of shelving books, my hands were shaking uncontrollably as tears streamed down my face. The noise of people talking around me felt like screams echoing in my head.
Kai was there to calm me down, as always. He knows just what to do when I feel this way - he holds me close and whispers soothing words until the storm passes.
But even with his comforting presence, I still couldn't shake off that suffocating sense of dread that follows me everywhere I go. The memories of past traumas crept up on me again today, reminding me why I struggle so much every single day.
I wish things could be different for us; for Kai and myself... but truth is we're both broken in our own ways – him struggling with his own demons while trying desperately to keep mine at bay too...
The alcohol doesn't help either - numbing the pain only works temporarily before reality hits back harder than ever before…
Sometimes it feels like no matter how hard we try or how many smiles we fake for others' sake… nothing will ever change...
And yet here we are once again: living through another day filled with silent battles fought within ourselves while putting on a brave face for everyone else outside these four walls that contain our true selves – fragile hearts beating out of rhythm against an unforgiving world…
Today has been one more reminder that sometimes even those closest to us cannot protect us from ourselves...