Befallen Bus Ride
Oh, baby, I'm still tryin' to process the wild ride I just got off, literally and figuratively. I mean, it was supposed to be a chill field trip to Gatorland with some special needs kids, right? Johnny Bravo and I, the ultimate dynamic duo, were volunteered (read: forced) to drive the short bus. I mean, how hard could it be, right?
So, we're cruisin' down the highway, and I'm handin' out blunts to the little rascals, thinkin' it'll calm 'em down. I mean, a little herb never hurt nobody, right? But these kids, man... they were like tiny little landmines just waitin' to go off. One kid's flappin' his arms like a bird, another's makin' these weird noises like a strangled cat, and I'm just tryin' to keep it together, ya know?
And then, out of nowhere, this behemoth of a woman, Bonquisha, Johnny's ex-girlfriend from hell, comes barrelin' down on us in her clunky ol' Ford Aerostar. I swear, she was gunnin' for us like we owed her money or somethin'! Next thing I know, we're flyin' off the cliffside, through the guard rail, and into the drink. I mean, I've had some crazy bus rides in my day, but this was somethin' else.
So, we're sinkin' like the Titanic, and Bonquisha's swimmin' to shore, givin' us the one-finger salute like she's the queen of the ocean or somethin'. And I'm like, "Johnny, my man, we gotta get outta here!" But these kids, man... they're just sit-tin' there, starin' at us like we're the crazy ones.
And then, I see it. This massive shark circlin' the bus like it's at the all-you-can-eat buffet. I'm talkin' Jaws, baby! I'm like, "Johnny, we gotta go, go, go!" But he's too busy tryin' to catch this one kid who's tryin' to jerk off at the back of the bus. I mean, what in the world, right? I'm tryin' to smack some sense into these kids, but they're just not havin' it.
We finally make it to the emergency raft, and we're paddlin' like mad to get away from that toothy monster. And I'm lookin' back, and I don't see any of the kids. I mean, I'm not sayin' I'm worried or nothin', but it's like they just vanished into thin air. I'm thinkin', "Did we just leave 'em behind? Did we just...?" Nah, man, I'm not gonna go there.
We finally make it to shore, and I'm just sit-tin' there, tryin' to process what just went down. Johnny's just shakin' his head, and I'm like, "Dude, what just happened?" And he's like, "Man, I don't know, but I think we need to lay low for a while." And I'm like, "Word, my man, word."
So, that's my story 'bout the befallen bus ride from hell. I mean, it's not exactly the kind of publicity I'm lookin' for, but hey, at least it's a good story, right? And hey, if anyone's lookin' for a new show concept, I think I got it: "Flavortown: After Dark... Underwater Edition"! Ha! Get it? Underwater? Ah, never mind.
Anyway, that's it for now, folks. I'm gonna go grab a drink, or ten, and try to forget this whole ordeal. And if anyone's seen those kids, just... just let 'em know I said hi, okay?