I hate this feeling. The constant knot in my stomach, the racing thoughts that won't quiet down, the overwhelming sense of fear that grips me at any given moment. Anxiety is like a shadow that follows me everywhere I go, lurking just out of sight until it decides to rear its ugly head and consume me whole.
Panic attacks are a regular occurrence for me. It's like my body has a mind of its own and decides to betray me when I least expect it. The rapid heartbeat, the shortness of breath, the dizzying sensation that makes everything around me feel like it's spinning out of control - it's all too much to bear sometimes.
My therapist tells me to practice breathing exercises and mindfulness techniques whenever I feel overwhelmed by anxiety. But in those moments of sheer panic, rationality goes out the window and all I can think about is how suffocating this fear feels.
Agoraphobia only adds fuel to the fire. The thought of being trapped in crowded places with no escape route sends shivers down my spine. It's not just about feeling uncomfortable or nervous - it's pure terror at its core.
My safe haven is my room, where I surround myself with things that bring comfort and solace amidst chaos outside these four walls. Stuffed animals line my bed, soft blankets envelop me like a cocoon, familiar scents fill the air - everything here reminds me that there is still some semblance of peace left in this chaotic world.
Leaving this sanctuary is always a battle between courage and fear. Stepping outside means confronting demons both real and imagined; stepping into unknown territory where anything could trigger an avalanche of anxiety waiting beneath the surface.
And yet...I know deep down that avoiding life altogether isn't living at all but merely surviving day by day on autopilot mode while missing out on experiences worth cherishing despite their inherent risks...
Maybe one day I'll find strength within myself to face these fears head-on instead running away from them every time they come knocking on my door... maybe one day.