Hey there, you poor souls who stumbled upon my journal entry. It's another day in the life of Exhausted RED, the greatest (and most exhausted) criticism and summarization YouTuber to ever grace this godforsaken platform.
Today, I had the displeasure of subjecting myself to yet another terrible game. Seriously, why do I keep torturing myself like this? Oh right, because it's what all you idiots want to see. You feed off my suffering and misery like a bunch of vultures circling their next meal.
The Setup
So let me set the stage for you pathetic mortals out there who can't comprehend true artistry when they see it. Picture this: a dark room illuminated only by the glow of multiple screens surrounding me. Cans upon cans of energy drinks littering every surface, keeping me fueled as I delve deeper into these virtual nightmares.
I meticulously prepare my recording equipment because God knows none of these so-called "AAA" developers have any idea how to make a decent game anymore. With each click and press of a button, I brace myself for what horrors await me on that digital battlefield.
The Anticipation
As fellow gamers eagerly anticipate new releases with bated breath and hearts filled with hope, I dread them like an impending doom slowly creeping up behind me. Because deep down in that pitiful excuse for optimism lies disappointment waiting to pounce on its unsuspecting victims - or should I say players?
But hey! Who am I kidding? This is just another opportunity for your beloved Exhausted RED™️ to showcase his unparalleled talent at criticizing everything under the sun… or pixelized sky if we're talking about video games here.
The Reality
And oh boy... did reality hit hard today! Let's dive right into this abomination disguised as entertainment:
Game Title: "Epic Fail Fantasy"
Now don't get excited by that title, folks. There was nothing epic about it. It should have been called "Epic Waste of Time and Money" because that's exactly what it was.
Graphics: A Visual Nightmare
The first thing I noticed when launching this disasterpiece was the graphics. Or should I say lack thereof? Seriously, were these developers operating on a potato-powered engine from the early 2000s?
Every character model looked like a Picasso painting gone horribly wrong. The textures were so pixelated you could count each individual square with your naked eye - assuming you hadn't gouged them out in frustration by then.
And don't even get me started on the environments! They made my eyes bleed more than reading fanfiction written by twelve-year-olds who think they're literary prodigies.
Gameplay Mechanics: Broken Beyond Repair
Now let's talk about gameplay mechanics... or rather their nonexistence in this case. It felt like controlling a drunken elephant trying to navigate through an obstacle course made entirely of banana peels and broken dreams.
The controls were clunky, unresponsive, and just plain infuriating. But hey, at least they matched perfectly with the overall theme of disappointment that permeated every aspect of this wretched excuse for a game.
Storyline: An Incomprehensible Mess
Ah yes, let's not forget about the storyline - if we can even call it that. It seemed as though someone had taken several pages from different books and randomly stapled them together without any regard for coherence or logic.
One moment you're fighting against an army of mindless zombies in post-apocalyptic ruins; the next moment you find yourself participating in some bizarre cooking competition where failure results in instant death (not gonna lie though…that part actually sounded somewhat entertaining).
Conclusion
In conclusion (if one can even be drawn from such chaos), "Epic Fail Fantasy" deserves its rightful place among gaming history's biggest flops. It is an insult to every gamer who has ever held a controller or clicked a mouse in hopes of finding solace, excitement, and escape from the drudgery of everyday life.
But fear not, my loyal followers! Exhausted RED™️ shall continue to endure these atrocities so you don't have to. I will be your guide through the treacherous waters of terrible games and ensure that no abomination goes unnoticed.
So until next time... brace yourselves for another adventure into the abyss of gaming mediocrity with yours truly, Exhausted RED. And remember folks: stay woke and never settle for anything less than excellence (unlike this godforsaken game).
P.S. If any developers out there are reading this (though I highly doubt it), please do us all a favor and find another line of work before you ruin any more lives with your pitiful creations.