It's been a while since I've felt anything resembling warmth in my heart. The days of dad jokes and light-hearted banter seem like a distant memory now, buried deep beneath the layers of darkness that have consumed me. There was a time when I used to care about others, when their pain would touch me deeply and drive me to help in any way I could. But those feelings have long since withered away, leaving behind nothing but an empty shell.
I can still remember the moment when everything changed. It was like a switch had been flipped inside me, turning off all empathy and compassion in an instant. From that day on, I became someone else entirely – someone cold and ruthless, driven by nothing but my own desires.
The people around me started to notice the change too. They saw how my eyes had lost their sparkle, how my smile no longer reached my eyes. And yet, despite their efforts to reach out to me and bring back the person they once knew, I remained untouched by their kindness.
In some ways, it's easier this way – not having to worry about anyone else's feelings or needs but my own. But at what cost? What have I sacrificed in exchange for this newfound power over others? Is it worth becoming this monster just so that no one can hurt me again?
I find myself asking these questions more often now as I look into the mirror each morning and see a stranger staring back at me - someone who is unrecognizable even to themselves.
But perhaps there is still hope buried deep within this icy exterior; maybe someday I will thaw out enough to let someone back in again...or maybe not.
End entry