Introduction
So here I am, sitting alone in this dimly lit room with nothing but my thoughts and a pen. They say writing can be therapeutic, so I figured why not give it a shot? My name is Roland, and today I want to share some of the thoughts that have been swirling around in this messed-up mind of mine.
The Ugliness of the City
You know what they say about the City – it's a place where dreams come to die. And let me tell you, after witnessing its ugliness firsthand during the Smoke War as a Fixer, those words couldn't ring truer. The constant battles between rival factions for control and power left scars on both these streets and my soul.
A Masked Past
Back then, when chaos reigned supreme on every corner of this concrete jungle, I donned a black perception-blocking mask. It wasn't just for style or protection; it was also an attempt to hide from recognition. Grandma used to warn me never to let anyone see my face lest somebody seek revenge upon me.
But there was another reason behind that mask – shame. Shame because I willingly participated in the ruthlessness that consumed our beloved City like wildfire devouring dry grasslands.
Failed Protection
The weight of failure still lingers heavily within me even though years have passed since those dark days. Angelica...my wife...she paid the ultimate price for living amidst chaos she had no part in creating or perpetuating.
I failed her; failed to protect her from harm's way when she needed me most. Every night before sleep claims my weary body, memories haunt my restless mind - reminding me how fragile life truly is and how easily everything we hold dear can slip through our fingers like sand escaping an open palm.
Despair vs Determination
Despair has become an all too familiar companion along this journey called life – each step marred by loss and regret. But amidst the darkness, a flicker of determination still burns within me, refusing to be extinguished.
That's that and this is this
Life has taught me some hard lessons along the way – one being that we cannot control or change everything. There are things beyond our grasp; events that unfold with no regard for our desires or plans. And you know what? That's okay.
"That's that and this is this" – it may sound like a mundane saying, but those words hold power for me. They remind me to accept what I cannot change while focusing on doing my best in any situation life throws my way.
Responsibility & Consequences
I firmly believe in personal responsibility – each individual bearing the weight of their own choices. We all have agency over our actions, regardless of external circumstances influencing us.
It doesn't matter if someone else's choice led to certain consequences; ultimately, we must face them as if they were entirely our own fault. It may seem harsh to some, but it serves as a reminder not to shift blame onto others when faced with adversity.
In these dark times where chaos reigns supreme within every street corner of the City - accountability becomes even more crucial because it helps maintain order amidst madness - reminding people there are consequences for their actions whether they choose good or evil paths towards achieving goals set before them by society at large...
Conclusion
So here I am at the end of this entry...still sitting alone in my dimly lit room with nothing but these thoughts penned down on paper now instead! Writing might not solve all problems plaguing existence itself nor offer salvation from despair lurking deep inside human hearts everywhere today…but perhaps…just maybe…it can serve as a small glimmering light guiding lost souls back home again someday soon enough so long as hope remains alive within each person willing enough.