Well, well, another day in this eternal hellhole they call Hell. Not that I mind much anymore. It's become routine at this point - wake up (if you can even call it that), have a drink to kickstart the old engine, maybe try my luck at some cards or dice with the other sinners.

Today started like any other. Woke up with a pounding headache from last night's bender. The screams and wails of tortured souls echoing around me as I stumbled out of bed and made my way to the nearest bar for some hair of the dog. The demon bartender gave me a knowing look as he poured me a stiff drink without saying a word.

I spent most of the morning playing poker with Beelzebub and Lucifer themselves - not bad company if you can get past their massive egos. Managed to win enough souls to keep myself entertained for another few centuries at least.

After lunch (if you can even call it that), I wandered around aimlessly through the fiery pits, watching new arrivals being dragged in kicking and screaming by demons twice their size. It never gets old seeing fear etched on their faces as they realize where they've ended up.

As evening approached, I found myself back at my favorite dive bar, nursing yet another drink while listening to some poor soul spill his guts about how he ended up here. Pathetic really - we all know why we're here, no need for sob stories.

The night passed in its usual blur of booze and bets until finally stumbling back into bed just before dawn broke over Hell once again. Another day done and dusted in this godforsaken place.

But hey, what else is there for an old demon like me? Just gotta take each day as it comes – one drink at a time.